Exploring acceptance: embracing what is

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ACCEPTANCE

Etymological Root

From Latin acceptare, “take or receive willingly”.

What we think or say

“It is so even though I may not agree, endorse or like it.”

Source: The Field Guide to Emotions

What does it mean to truly accept something or someone? To be at peace with what is?

For most of my life, I confused acceptance with tolerance or approval. I believed that if I accepted something, I therefore approved of it.

For years, I resisted reality when I didn’t like or agree with it. A powerful example was my unwillingness to accept some of my own behavior, which I didn't approve of and often felt shame over. I spent much time and energy berating myself for behaving in a way I didn’t like or approve of because I thought that if I accepted it, I would be condoning it and have no reason or motivation to change in the future. As a result, I resented myself and was unable to find peace and contentment in my life.

This was painful. In all transparency, the voice in my head was unkind and I believed for years that I had to listen to that voice to transform and change. Now I see how much this view limited me and caused me pain.

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During my training with the Newfield Network, Julio Olalla shared a powerful distinction between “acceptance” and “approval”. Specifically, what stuck in my mind is that we can accept something, even if we do not approve of it (agree, endorse or like it).

This was a profound shift in thinking for me. It opened my eyes to all the things I have resisted accepting in my life.

Now I see that acceptance is in fact coming to terms with what I cannot change. For example, I can accept my past and it doesn't imply a denial of any mistakes I have made or mean I approve of others’ mistakes or wrongdoings that may have affected me. What I'm accepting is that it's happened, it’s in the past, and I can't in this moment change or modify that.

This has allowed me to begin to shift my energy away from the past and focus on the present and future, in which I actually have the power to take transformative action. In this way, it’s allowed me to process and release lingering resentments that have caused me deep pain and suffering.

It took some courage to write and share this, but I hope that in being open and transparent about my own experience it inspires you to do the same. To be curious about the areas in your life where you might be carrying resentment (towards yourself or others) and whether and how accepting the past might allow you to move forward with more peace and love.