Why self-awareness matters: coaching your way of being
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Coaching your way of being
Your world is limited by what you see. You cannot change what you are unaware of. Therefore, change at the level of automatic habits, customary responses, long-held beliefs, and/or behaviors requires being deeply present with yourself. You must first create space and learn to observe yourself in action. This is the basis of self-awareness. When you learn to stand back and watch yourself as if on a movie screen, you can see that you’re not your behavior. From this heightened awareness, you can see that you have more freedom of choice than you realized.
What does this have to do with coaching? Well, ontological (way of being) coaching specifically looks at who you are as an observer: how you observe yourself, others, and the world at large. Instead of merely working to understand what you are or are not doing in the world, we take a step back and first observe who you are or are not being. Specifically, we look at how the way you observe yourself, others, and the world around you directly shapes what you see as possible or not possible in your life, work, relationships, etc. Instead of looking at different actions you can take to get the results you want, we get curious about how you might shift how you’re observing yourself and/or your situation so you can expand your view of what’s possible.
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Adopting a “beginner’s mind”
So, how do we do this? We focus on learning to see ourselves more clearly. First, we get curious and embrace a “beginner’s mind” – opening up to the possibility that new learning may occur as we move forward. Second, we begin to explore how you show up in the world by observing what’s happening in your:
body (e.g. physiology, physical posture)
emotions (e.g. what moods you primarily live in, what emotions show up)
language (e.g. communication, internal dialogue)
Together, we begin to recognize and name how you show up in each moment. How you hold your body, what physical sensations you experience (or don’t experience), what mood you’re in or what energy or emotions arise, how you use your words, what internal narrative is playing in your head. In this way, the body, emotions, and language provide three distinct doorways for new learning to occur.
Getting to know your inner observer
I recently raised a question with my own coach about how I show up when I’m feeling frustrated or misunderstood. Together, we were able to recognize and name the tense and forward leaning posture of my body, the emotions of not only frustration, but irritation, defensiveness, and insignificance that were present. My coach helped me notice and name the language I was using, the thoughts that were circling in my head, unsaid. With this new awareness, I was able to see how my body, emotions, and language directly shaped how I responded and took action in the moment. I began to understand that by noticing first how I was being, I could actually choose to show up in a different, perhaps more open way that invited the conversation or response I hoped for.
Recognizing the role of history and culture in how you see the world
Additionally, through ontological coaching, we can begin to recognize and name how your family, community, work, culture or societal context have conditioned your way of seeing and being in the world. To identify if and how social or cultural norms have supported or prevented you from taking desired action in our life, work, relationships, etc. And in this way, we’re able to explore how your long-held beliefs, habits, and/or behaviors serve you or whether they may be blocking you from taking the action you want. We can consider the story with which you justify a habit or behavior and if that story no longer serves you, explore what other story might be true.
Exploring your three centers of awareness (mind, body and emotion)
As an ontological coach, I ask powerful questions in the realms of the body, moods and emotions, and language to elicit new learning and help you tease apart how the way you see yourself directly impacts the actions you do or do not take, and therefore, the results you do or do not produce in your life. The best part is that from this place of new awareness, a number of new possibilities are unveiled. From here, we work together to determine how you need to be in order to do and have what you desire. Not the other way around.
I’d love to support you in exploring who you need to be in order to achieve what you desire. Providing clarity, focus and next steps is something that my clients tell me I’m really good at. If you’re curious about how we can work together through 1:1 coaching, check out what I offer or send me a message–no strings attached.